Couples Counseling-Improving Your Communication

It is amazing how some couples meet, click immediately and come together with little difficulty while others seem to be like water and oil from the onset. Conflicting opinions and occasional disagreements are to be expected in a relationship. Two people with different upbringings are going to have different perceptions, values and opinions. When does conflict and disagreement go from being a healthy means of maintaining an individuality of oneself to becoming detrimental to a relationship? How does you know when it is time to admit that the enlisting the help of an outside person, such as a therapist, is beneficial?

First, take a look at the way you or your partner express yourselves when you have a difference of opinion:

•Is there perpetual blaming and fingerpointing?
Blaming is a defense mechanism that many people use when they feel attacked as a means to emotionally protect themselves. Actually, blaming is a way to deflect hurtful feelings.

•Do your voices get louder as a way to get yourself heard?
As defenses rise, so does volume and intonation. The irony is that no one listens when voices are raised.

•Do past problems get drudged up in your current arguments?
The past does not have to be evidence of current or future problems. The past cannot be altered. Learning from the past is important, but in the heat of conflict, are you really trying to learn from the past? Or are you trying to use the past to make a case as to who’s right or wrong?

•Do emotions run high?
Irrational emotions are the result of irrational thoughts.

•Do you return to unresolved issues or once the conversation is over, there is no further discussion about the problem?
Tabling emotionally-charged conversations from time to time is healthy, as it gives each person an opportunity to calm down and recollect their thoughts. However, if you never return to the issue then it is never resolved, which is unproductive.

If you said “yes” to a number of these questions, now is the time to consider couples counseling. These unhealthy communication patterns can stifle the growth potential within a relationship.

So how is therapy going to help?

Therapy provides an opportunity to allow a trained, neutral, outside person to observe communication patterns and recognize environmental influences. In turn, a therapist provides couples with new tools to open up healthy communication patterns and increase positive interactions. Therapy also helps couples express their needs, respect differences and embrace similarities. So if you find that you feel unheard, have difficulty expressing yourself or feel like the only way to get your partner to hear you is with strong emotions, you may want to consider therapy. Healthy communication is the first step to a healthy relationship.

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Jodi Blackley - EzineArticles Expert Author