Dating With Love In Mind - A Meditation
When you are dating, Do not prey upon each other. Know that you each share The need for love, And that need is sacred. Explore, but do not invade. Look, but do not project. Act, but do not be afraid. Live your own self and being. You have nothing to lose But your isolation, so relate! What is a date, then, But jumping up and down On a springboard, Then jumping in? What is a date then But the playing around With needs and The stroking of desire? Don't do what you think You want, do what you feel. Be responsive and real. Don't waste money. Spend it wisely. Don't make love, Yet love the making Of Desire. Talk but leave Little silences. And when you are Finished with each other? Kiss and go somewhere. Or say goodbye. Because goodbye Is forever, and You are looking for The right one. The right one? Is it you! Or, isn't it? Memory As a former dater I do remember the fears at meeting someone, expected much, for love is much to expect. I remember the excitement because I was going to be with this person and get real and intimate, or so I hoped. I remember the need I had not to be alone, but to share a daily life together because I am a talker and a relator. I don't like being alone all the time, so I am a natural dater. And what about you? I learned also to tease around a bit, to ask questions, to reveal things about myself that were always a bit wild, a bit weird. Then come back to center so as not to scare anyone! I think I was seeing if the other person could be an adventurer with me, if the other person could smile at my jokes, if the other person could make counter jokes or serious remarks in return. It had to be high adventure. Nothing. No movement, no engagement, would be out of the question and I would be bored. Then I thought sexual thoughts. I thought, how can I salvage this evening? I thought maybe if we make love we will have something to say also together? See how weird it can become, this dating? For in truth, it should be the other way around, shouldn't it? We should be making love because we have interacted well. We have opened to each other and want to go further. We have matched each other, but each from our own selves. We are still different, after all! Yet, able to unite! What do you remember after? What do you remember, even for years? It's not the success you had, like having intercourse. It is the failure you make together. How you met yet didn't meet. Know what I mean? Yes, you both failed together, yet you take it personally. What if? What if I had been a little more forward, a little more real, what would have happened with this person? Would we have connected? And so life goes on. You miss the opportunity for connecting. You had energy for each other and you did not both open up in the right way. You missed your chance. Eventually you make it somewhere. Eventually you stop just dating and you start just relating. Eventually you try and get what you want but also have to take what you get. Eventually you settle down with someone, or you retreat all together. Eventually is eventually now. Remember, you say to yourself, it all counts for something. But what is that something, you ask yourself? What is it you really want from that other person, and do you get it? And then your life is over. Then you have been with someone, at least part of your growing years. Then the dating is over and maybe you have lost that freshness that is life. Remember how it used to be? Remember how you used to date and expected anything and everything? Remember how you used to date and ask, is this the one? Remember, and it is always so. It is always you in the encounter with this other person who started a perfect stranger? Remember those days? And did you ever get what you wanted? Did you ever have hopes realized? Goals set? You silly fool. It was not them you were after. It was yourself. It was you you were after! It was you and what you were doing with your life! You must find yourself first, and then you can find another! Remember, remember that it doesn't last forever. Not this date. Not the next and the next. Not your life either, and not the other person's. You must make a choice. You must be as real as you can. You must make a choice now, or at least soon. Are we going out again? Are we going out forever? Or at least as long as life lasts? You ask yourself these questions, and then you have to act. This is what a date is. This is what a date really is, isn't it? And then your life is over.
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