Married? Dating? How To Communicate With Your Partner
Communication is a funny thing. We can communicate with our self in our own mind all day and find a sense of understanding, but until we let the words and feelings out, they do no good in connecting us to others. Too many marriages and relationships are suffering because two people get out of the habit of saying what is on their minds. They hem and haw and stumble on the words or end up saying,” It’s OK, Nothing is wrong!" What does that get you? Absolutely nothing, but confusion. While in my daughter and son-in-law's car, on a trip, I was the innocent by-stander to a conversation between them. I missed what he said, but she said, "I don't agree with you and when you say things like that, it hurts me. I feel like you are disrespecting me." She was not angry, just matter-of-fact! Whoa! I wanted to disappear from that scene, but I also did not want to walk to San Francisco. He said, "I love you Theresa, I did not mean to disrespect you and I am sorry if I hurt you. That was not what I was trying to say. She said, "Well, you need to think before you speak." He said, "You're right, let me start again." The subject that they were speaking about was not important but the way they spoke to each other was. I was impressed! Instead of feeling that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, I was quietly proud of my daughter for speaking her pain and of Sam for his cool, calm, understanding of what his words had done. What he said was not important but how he had made his wife feel was. (Good marks for you, Sam!) Learning how to communicate with a spouse or patner, is essential to a strong relationship. Respect for your partner is the road to love and understanding. Being able to speak your feelings is hard sometimes, but the alternative can turn into resentment, repressed anger and eventual lack of intimacy. By intimacy, I am not speaking of sexual intimacy. The intimacy I am referring to is that connection that is evident when a couple is in love or has been married for a number of years. The way a couple looks at each other, touch and speak to each other and not at each other, reveals an intimacy that tells the world she or he is mine and I respect and love him or her!" In some cases couples seem to finish each other’s thoughts, but that is not an excuse for not speaking the truth. Say what you mean and mean what you say, but do it with kindness and love. Men and women ARE different in more ways than one. Men tend to be cut and dry, upfront and to the point in their statements. Women seem to attach emotional meanings to every word. So, when her man makes a statement that seems hard and demanding, she may take it as a personal affront. When that happens the time is now to respectfully ask, "What did you mean? I don't understand what you are saying?" Getting emotional or angry does nothing but start arguments. She is crying and He is bewildered. None of this has to happen if in the beginning of the relationship they make a truce to always speak what is in their heart and not let it pass and later use it as ammunition for the next argument. When you love someone, you should want the best for him or her and therefore most likely the best for yourself. Remember, You are not Soldiers in battle, You are partners in life.
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